Power and Conflict
Quite often we view marriage as a happy, easy, and wonderful journey that we experience for the rest of our life. This view is very off or confused with how marriage actually is. Yes it is happy and yes it is wonderful but it isn't like that 24/7. There are hard times that come with marriage and some that are extremely difficult and put a lot of pressure on the couple. You have to make some hard decisions as a couple that could change the situation of your family, work can become over-bearing, and other situations that are out of the couples control. What do we normally do when something begins to grow out of our control? We try our very best to regain control of the situation so that it is back to the way it was before. Control is something that we all wish we had in some part of our life, but unfortunately things don't work out that way.
Having control is something that some people focus completely on and if things aren't in their control then anxiety and stress take over. Having to have constant control can easily put a rift in a couples' relationship. It can cause feelings of belittling, feeling as if you aren't good enough, and cause the trust in the relationship to diminish. It is normal to feel that we have to have control over our lives. In marriage, there are 4 different marital power relationships. The first is Husband-dominant, then Wife-dominant, the next is Autonomic Equal but separate, and the last one is Syncratic Jointly Shared. These are explained in my textbook for the semester titled, 'Intimacy in Marriage and Family' by Lauer and Lauer. "The wife-dominant was the least frequent pattern, comprising 3 percent of the couples. About a fourth were husband-dominant. The rest, the great majority, were egalitarian in their decision making process." The majority were in between equal but separate or jointly shared.
Why do we seek for power in our relationships? In any relationship that we have, we strive for some kind of power over the other person. For some people, not having the sense of power over certain situations that occur in their life bring on feelings of depression and they are not able to handle hard transitions that come in their life. It also brings feelings of self-esteem which is very important to have for good mental health. In a relationship there can be a division of power for the couple so that each partner makes decisions in different areas of their relationship.
There is power and then there is conflict in a relationship, they are two different things and having conflict to work out in a marriage can be beneficial to the relationship. According to Lauer and Lauer there are 5 things that conflict can have a positive influence on:
1. Conflict brings issues into the open.
2. Conflict helps clarify issues.
3. We can grow through conflict
4. Small conflicts help defuse more serious conflict.
5. Conflict can create and maintain an equitable balance of power.
Having conflict is something that isn't desired in any relationship but having some can help the couple work through those problems together and strengthen their relationship. It helps bring them closer as a couple rather than striving to control the situation on their own. Working together towards the desired goal is very beneficial to the couple and the relationship.
Some different styles to conflict and how to manage the conflict are also given in 'Intimacy in Marriage and Family' and they are; Competition, Avoidance, Accommodation, and Compromise. These 4 styles that are mentioned are one way that each of us faces conflict whether it is personal conflict or it is relational. Power and Conflict are two different things that effect the relationship differently and it all depends on how we react to the situation or how we handle it.
Having control is something that some people focus completely on and if things aren't in their control then anxiety and stress take over. Having to have constant control can easily put a rift in a couples' relationship. It can cause feelings of belittling, feeling as if you aren't good enough, and cause the trust in the relationship to diminish. It is normal to feel that we have to have control over our lives. In marriage, there are 4 different marital power relationships. The first is Husband-dominant, then Wife-dominant, the next is Autonomic Equal but separate, and the last one is Syncratic Jointly Shared. These are explained in my textbook for the semester titled, 'Intimacy in Marriage and Family' by Lauer and Lauer. "The wife-dominant was the least frequent pattern, comprising 3 percent of the couples. About a fourth were husband-dominant. The rest, the great majority, were egalitarian in their decision making process." The majority were in between equal but separate or jointly shared.
Why do we seek for power in our relationships? In any relationship that we have, we strive for some kind of power over the other person. For some people, not having the sense of power over certain situations that occur in their life bring on feelings of depression and they are not able to handle hard transitions that come in their life. It also brings feelings of self-esteem which is very important to have for good mental health. In a relationship there can be a division of power for the couple so that each partner makes decisions in different areas of their relationship.
There is power and then there is conflict in a relationship, they are two different things and having conflict to work out in a marriage can be beneficial to the relationship. According to Lauer and Lauer there are 5 things that conflict can have a positive influence on:
1. Conflict brings issues into the open.
2. Conflict helps clarify issues.
3. We can grow through conflict
4. Small conflicts help defuse more serious conflict.
5. Conflict can create and maintain an equitable balance of power.
Having conflict is something that isn't desired in any relationship but having some can help the couple work through those problems together and strengthen their relationship. It helps bring them closer as a couple rather than striving to control the situation on their own. Working together towards the desired goal is very beneficial to the couple and the relationship.
Some different styles to conflict and how to manage the conflict are also given in 'Intimacy in Marriage and Family' and they are; Competition, Avoidance, Accommodation, and Compromise. These 4 styles that are mentioned are one way that each of us faces conflict whether it is personal conflict or it is relational. Power and Conflict are two different things that effect the relationship differently and it all depends on how we react to the situation or how we handle it.
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